Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
