why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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