my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
