I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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