The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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