I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
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I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
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A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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