i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
