Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
