I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
