Screwed.edu
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
