Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
