the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
