I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
