She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
