If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
