so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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