tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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