3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
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i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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