Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
