I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
