do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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