Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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