You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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