is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
