If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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