You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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