Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
