The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Randomize
