I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
