Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Randomize
