I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
