cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
