what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
