do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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