I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
