Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
