So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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