And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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