I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
