Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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