thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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