No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
