Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
