i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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