Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
