Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
