when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
