Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
