If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
