does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
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I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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