Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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