If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
