Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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