how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
