Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
