YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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