she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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