Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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