I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize