Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
