cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
