So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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