I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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