Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
