I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
