I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
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He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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