His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
