im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
