oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Sober January is a disaster.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
