I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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