you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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