Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
